I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Terrible idea I love it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
