this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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