New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
