Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
