i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
