plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
someone owes me an orgasm
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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