I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
