i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Barsexuality is the new black.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
