i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
