If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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