Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
