The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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