Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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