2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You smell like a Billy Joel song
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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