You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
