Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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