It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
