jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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