We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its not stalking. its research.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
