fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
