I hate your face
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize