On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
