Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
