you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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