we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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