Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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