I just made out with a guy for $7.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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