Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
