We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
