dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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