you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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