the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
