I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
