i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
