I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
