Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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