you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize