I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
