I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sobbing to NWA
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
