Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
