Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
