I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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