Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
