I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
