i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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