I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
