Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
