you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
