how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
