god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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