I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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