i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
