32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
