didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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