you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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