pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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