So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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