five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The best revenge is premature balding
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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