Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
