I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
