R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
