im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
