My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
