Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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