i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
