yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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