VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
