Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
