i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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