You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
