I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
