Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
