you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
