Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
